Forty. That number comes up a lot in the Bible. Usually it represents a period of testing. Not the fill-in-the-circle multiple-choice testing I found so easy in grade school and beyond...the kind that helped get me a scholarship to the University of Tennessee...the kind that arguably indicate the ability to answer questions but not the abilities required to be a success in the world. No, the number 40 comes up when folks are really sweating it out under unusually tough circumstances--hunger, thirst, loneliness, flood, uncertainty--where the outcome can determine the destiny of a soul, or a people, or a world.

Noah and his family rode out a storm for "40-days-and-40-nights" that made the recent hurricane series look like a morning shower. Jesus went on the ultimate wilderness adventure and ate nothing for 40 days (and contrary to Michael Jackson's dubious "We Are the World" theology, did NOT "turn stones into bread"). And of course it doesn't take a Bible scholar (thanks to Cecil B. DeMille) to be familiar with the 40 years of wandering in the desert the children of Israel did before reaching the Promised Land (possibly the longest and least-fun game of Follow the Leader ever recorded).

I think about that last one a lot, having heard the story many times, over a lifetime of Bible study (and movie-watching). It has come up in my songwriting more than once. It especially seems relevant since I've reached the end of my own first 40 years (September 10). I celebrated with a few close friends by attending a Notorious Cherry Bombs (Vince Gill, Rodney Crowell, et al) concert at the Ryman Auditorium, and then being surprised by a party at the Hard Rock Cafe. I had unknowingly kept my party-plotting friends off balance by changing my plans more than once, but they held on for the ride.

Anyway, it's nearly impossible to reach such a milestone in life and not reflect and evaluate where I've been, where I am and where I might be going. This is where I relate to the Israelites. I know where I've been, and I know where I am...but then it gets a little hazy. Of course, ultimately I know there is a Promised Land waiting for me (with no border disputes or car bombings to worry about), but short of that, the future is a mystery.

And as much as I like to think about the possibilities in front of me, the mystery at this point is why I don't seem any farther along after all this time. I get frustrated that my life seems to have been stuck in neutral for quite a while. Career, finances, relationships, creative output...not much seems to be happening there, at least not major improvements. This is one more thing I share with the Israelite wanderers. The journey from Egypt to the land of Canaan should normally have taken a matter of weeks and months, not years, even with all the baggage and sheep and children. But (they grumbled) here they were, stuck following a stuttering leader who insisted on sticking with the cloud by day and fire by night; MapQuest, it wasn't. Sure, getting out of Egypt was great, but what about now?

It may be I just haven't been willing to change gears, being more content to coast along. Well, science and my experience agree that the only direction you can coast for any sustained period is downhill. So I'm choosing to make this milestone a stepping stone to the next level, whatever level that may be. A long time after l had left my fulltime position at Precept Ministries, Kay Arthur discovered that I was back behind the camera for a videotaping of one of her lectures, and introduced me to her students by saying, "Mark comes and goes...he follows the cloud." It was funny, and true, and I might as well keep doing it, because despite the possible pitfalls, it seems the best thing to do. And instead of grumbling (which led to disaster for the Israelites), I will opt to be thankful for where I am and what I have, and take life as the gift it is, and give it back as I can. (Feel free to remind me of these words when necessary).

Thinking again about the the periods of "40" I mentioned, it occurs to me that the real challenges came afterward...when Noah and his family had to recreate civilization...when a weary and hungry Jesus had to deal with the nagging voice of Satan...when the Israelites had to cross the Jordan and settle the land of Canaan, while still remembering to follow God. In reality, the "test" of my forty years of life so far has been relatively easy; at least it hasn't seemed any harder than most other people have it, and it's definitely been a breeze compared to some. I hope, though, that I will prove to have learned the lessons I should have been learning all this time. And I hope the reward will not be any less valuable.

I really am more and more thankful for the life that I've had, thankful that I've never had a serious lack of emotional, material or spiritual support, thankful that I've been able to do so many enjoyable things in exciting places with so many interesting people, thankful that I have so many good memories and so many reasons to look forward to the future...and thankful to hear repeatedly that I don't look my age! There are some benefits to not moving forward too fast, after all!

Grace & Peace,

Mark
"I waited patiently for the Lord
And He inclined to me, and heard my cry."
--Psalm 40:1